When can I see my children at Christmas?
There’s been so much talk recently about Christmas. Will it be ‘normal’? Can we share it with our loved ones? How many of us will be able to get together? And will we be able to hug? Whilst the government may have given us some of the answers, for some this has not brought an end to their concerns.
Unfortunately, for many separated parents the concern about the arrangements for Christmas is not exclusive to these pandemic times of 2020. Many separated parents worry each year that they will be unable to agree when they should see children with whom they don’t live and that they will be unable to see their children at all over the festive period.
Helpfully the guidance about Christmas ‘bubbles’ has confirmed that the minor children of separated parents can move between the bubbles of each of their respective parents without being in breach of the rules. However, with just five days over which to enjoy those ‘bubbles’, it may be that separated parents will find it all the more difficult to agree the arrangements that should be in place.
Although it can be difficult, there are some things that might just help separated parents come to some agreement over the arrangements that should be in place without resorting to lengthy and costly court proceedings.
The wishes and feelings of the child
This is something that the court will take into account when considering any arrangements that should be in place for a child, not just arrangements for Christmas. As children grow older, more weight is placed on those wishes and feelings and children are given a greater say in the arrangements put in place for them. It also follows that if the child is happy with the arrangements, it is likely that everyone around them will be able to have a more enjoyable Christmas!
Consider how the arrangements will actually work?
Although it may be possible for separated parents living close to each other to share Christmas day itself, many parents live further apart and such arrangements will be unworkable. This year sees the added complication of the time limited period of these Christmas ‘bubbles’, making it all the more likely that there will be specific days and times that children will be able to spend with extended family on each side.
There is no ‘normal’ way that Christmases should be shared and what works for one family may not work for another. It is always best to have discussions well in advance of Christmas and to be honest about what you would like. This will then allow ample opportunity for arrangements to be agreed without the added pressure of Christmas getting increasingly closer.
Be fair
Of course, most people want to spend as much time as possible with their children over the festive period and particularly on Christmas day itself. It will always be disappointing when your child is due to spend Christmas day with the other parent, but compromise and fairness is likely to make that more palatable for everyone concerned.
It is quite common that arrangements for Christmas are alternated between separated parents, meaning that if the children spend Christmas day with you this year, they will spend it with the other parent the following year. We have also found that this is commonly the approach adopted by the courts when agreement cannot be reached between the parents as to the arrangements that should be in place. It is certainly worth bearing this in mind when trying to make arrangements for the children and before embarking on lengthy court proceedings.
Communicate
It seems that 2020 is a year where communication is going to be more important than ever. People are going to have to think very carefully about who will form their Christmas ‘bubble’ and the time that they are going to spend with them. Where separated parents are concerned, it seems most likely that satisfactory arrangements will be agreed where parents explain to each other why they want the children with them at a particular time.
It’s also worth discussing with each other the Christmas presents that you intend to buy. Nobody wants the children to end up with 2 PS4s because the parents have not mentioned to each other what they intend to buy!
Whilst in an ideal world separated parents will be able to agree all the arrangement for their children, we appreciate that this is not always possible, both at Christmas and throughout the year. If you have any questions or difficulties in making arrangements for your children, our family team are always happy to help: you can contact Sarah or Jackie on 01903 229999 or email info@bennett-griffin.co.uk